Fun To Be Young

I recently asked a child that I was babysitting what he would like me to buy him when I become a millionaire ( I cant quite remember how I got onto this subject... but obviously it's a when rather than a how) and he replied that he would like an imaginary apple and the moon. I told him that I could buy him a real apple or an apple made out of gold, but he was adamant that it had to be an imaginary one.

Im not too sure what this consists of, but im guessing its going to be easy, and cheap. Unlike the moon......

Er..... Come To Think Of It....

I should probably get off my soapbox ;)

The Truth Of The Matter Is....

In this “celebrity" driven day and age it is vital that people use their status for the help and publicity of diseases such as cancer. What I do have problems with however is the way that cancer is portrayed within the media with such a strong celebrity stance almost as if these celebrities were the ones that “invented” it. In 2005 the singer Kylie Minogue was diagnosed with having breast cancer. At first I felt that the media enlightened the public on the seriousness of this disease, which I’m sure in turn encouraged many women to check themselves more thoroughly and in the correct manner. However as the weeks went on there wasn’t a time where Kylie and cancer were not mentioned in the same breath. Yes, it is terrible that she was ill and yes just because she is a celebrity doesn’t mean that she isn’t a normal person too - but she wasn’t the only person in the world to have cancer. In my opinion surely Kylie was in the best possible position if you are unwell. After all she had the very best private treatment in both Australia and Paris, she was able to take time off from working to convalesce, time she happened to spend writing a book which was published (surely another perk of being a celebrity.) In no way am I belittlingKylie’s battle with cancer, I have in fact met her and she seemed a very genuine and down to earth woman. However, she has an advantages over us “mere mortals” and so surely we should be looking to the “average Joe” to inspire us. You know, the ones like us that probably have no access to private healthcare, who are unable to enjoy the sunny climate of Australia while we recover from chemotherapy and who don’t have millions of pounds to fall back on. Obviously no amount of money can keep you from illness, but it sure would help! I would take rich with cancer over poor with cancer any day. Don’t get me wrong, just because she had all of that money didn’t mean she would survive, but I bet she had a better chance than most. It is a fact that women with breast cancer who live in affluent areas have a better chance of survival than those women living in deprived areas. I cannot stand the way in which the media talk about Kylie is as if she was the first woman to ever get this disease, and I truly believe that it demeans every other woman’s brave fight. In an article in the Daily Mirror on 18 April 2008 they covered a story about another celebrity, Trisha Goddard, who had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. In it Trisha said that Kylie Minogue’s successful battle with breast cancer was an inspiration and – I quote - “thank God for Kylie. Id read so much about her and it was really, well hang on girl, she’s alright” Surely Trisha should be using every woman’s situation as an inspiration, and not just another celebrities? I think that it is all well and good admiring another famous persons fight, however it would personally be more of an inspiration to me to hear about a non- celeb’s experience. We all of us aspire to be something we are not, and reach for that seemingly unattainable goal and in such situations as breast cancer role models such as Kylie do serve a purpose. However I think that it is imperative that “celebrity” doesn’t become the norm. There are many magazines on the market who are in the position to influence and shape young girl s and women on things such as their weight and the way they dress, even up to how to get and keep a man. These magazines are in the perfectposition to show their readers real lives of real women and yet they chooseto instead focus on women such as Paris Hilton drunkenly falling out of aclub wearing no knickers or talk of Eva Longoria being pregnant because she is looking slightly more rounded than usual. The magazines should be championing every day, normal, non-celebs especially where issues suchas cancer are apparent. Yes Kylie Minogue is a person like you or I, but if we’re honest, a million miles away from us. More recently Jade Goody's fight with cervical cancer and tragic death have been publicised every single day with some magazines and newspapersgoing as far as to having special mermorial pull out sections covering her life. It was also claimed that Stephen Fry likended her to Princess Diana and Heat magazine likened her life and death to that of Marilyn Monroe. Am I the only person to think that this is absolutely crazy?? For one it is very hypocritical given that when she wasnt ill these publications jumped on the bandwagon and damned her whenever they got the chance to, but now they are likening her to the legend that is Monroe and to some extent Princess Diana who, even though in my opinion wasnt that amazing, admitadly did more than most of the Royal family put together. Yes it is a tragic loss, one I would not wish upon anyone, but there are millions of people suffering with cancer in the world and I would rather have someone real champion the cause rather than a "celebrities", who truth be told live in a totally different world than us.

And It Was All A Dream...

So, I had set myself the goal of completing my book by the time I was 25. Needless to say, I havent done it. I cant even offer up a good excuse really....even though I probably am an expert of procrastination. This goes to prove my theory that the only time you will fail at something is when you set yourself the goal to actually do it. Much like my theory that you only get sports injury's when playing sport. Therefore don't do that either.

The book will get finished and I will get published (pah, yeah sure) but to be honest I think I might hire someone else to write it, you know a better writer!! Someone who can at least come up with the ending for the bastard thing.

When I was younger I always used to end my stories, "and they woke up and found that it had all been a dream". I'm not sure that will cut it this time. However it worked for 'Dallas', so maybe me.

Accept, Accept, Accept.

I am really trying to make a conscious effort to accept the things that I cannont change, be it about myself or the way others have treated me.

Apparantly forgiveness is the key and the way some people have acted towards me lately or in the past has probably effected me more than I like to think. I care what people think of me... even people I dont know... their opinion counts...and it shouldnt. Unless it's nice of course! ;)

I realise that I might just be in the wrong place at the wrong time and that certain situations are out of my control. And to not take it personally or let it get to me.

If anyone learns how to forgive and forget, can they please let me now how they do it, because I'm not sure I will be very good at it... despite the effort! :)

That goes with the acceptance too....... I'm guessing that will also be a work in progress!

Airbrush Me

After much consideration I have decided that I wish to live my life either in Paint Shop or Face In Hole ( is it just me or does that title sound rude. I wont even tell you what I found when I mis-typed the site name ew...).

Everything in these sites make you look all shiny and new and everyone loves a bit of make believe.

The perfect preening. For once I look good. Even if I am on someone else's body.

However, I do find it a tad disconcerting that the best I look is when I'm a Nun. It's fate *sigh*....

Talk About A Fool....

I honestly cannot believe that I fell for someone's utter crap yet again. I swear I am clearly the most gullible fool out there. Either that or Im just so sad that I deliberately believe whatever people tell me in the hope that I can make it come true You'd think after 25 years I would have learned at least something, but no.

Nundom is getting awfully close.

Tis Blindness I Tell Thee, BLINDNESS!

While in town today I saw a headline on the local newspaper "Car Crash Monk Had Cataracts" Firstly, this isn't a headline that you see every day and I salute it purely because it contains the word Monk. Secondly I like the fact that the Monk...a man of the cloth.... has been a naughty boy. Bad Monk. Unless he didn't know of course...but that ruins my story. So we shall pretend he knew he had dodgy eyes and that he wanted to be a bad driver. In fact..I even like to think of him, behind the steering wheel, laughing manically..while wearing stereotypical Monk robes and maybe even salivating a little... Anyway.. I digress.

I'm guessing he might have to go back to Monk college (which id imagine is a lot like clown college, literally) and retrain as a Monk extraordinaire.

That's if he's not dead. I didnt read the article and if that is the case, this blog has therefore once again cemented my position in Hell. Meh. I guess it will be you and I and the Monk with cataracts. Now that's a party in itself.

Becca = Epic Failure

So it turns out that try as I might, I cannot get a job. I think the term is "an undesirable"..... even with a degree and moderate intelligence I am good for nothing. To be honest, at first it didn't bother me too much because I lived in constant hope but now, as the months of rejection tick by, the hope has faded and now I am slowly losing my grip on my sanity and my temper. I appear to be angry with everything and everyone because of this constant rejection. Someone may as well slap me in the face.... continually.

I'm tired of trawling the internet day after friggin' day.. looking at the same old sites until my eyes hurt and my head is pounding. I feel like just getting on a random train to anywhere and starting all over again. There is nothing like new rejection in a new town to make you feel alive :(

Tis tres gay.

Cynical? Me?

I am all for charity...be it charity for other people...or charity for me, which I have to admit never happens as Ive never collected for it ;) , however there is something about Red Nose day which I cannot help being cynical about.

As good publicity as it is to draw attention to the worlds plight by using "celebrities" I cant help but feel they are making a token gesture. Like they are taking a day out of their wealthy, well turned out lives to help the people less fortunate. Then the next day they can go about their fabulous lives. I guess this pretty much applies to all of us, but it all feels too fake for my liking. The fact that they could probably each give a million pounds to a charity and not have it affect their bank balance lies heavy with me.

Maybe I am just too cynical.

Magic 8 Hate

I have magic 8 ball and I like to think that it in some way helps me...or at least provides a bit of amusement. However, it rarely tells me the right answer i.e. the one that I want...so I have therefore come to the rational conclusion that it is either a) lying or b) broken.

According to my brother Joel I am also not allowed to ask it the same question more than once in a day.... I think that this is silly as I believe in the "best of three" reasoning. Am I alone in this?!

I hope that I am not going to develop some kind of OCD where the magic 8 ball is concerned and not leave the house when it gives a lame answer. I luckily don't think this will be the case. I also dont think it will be the case when it predicts my spring wedding and the large lottery win. PAH.

Have You Gone Gay?

My sister-in-law is trying to "pimp" me out after I told her that I was off men because there are no eligible ones out there (I am literally one more bad experience away from becoming a Nun). She is determined to prove me wrong, even if this means trawling through her facebook to find at least one.

Out of her 147 friends, she found 2 guys.... both of which she described to me as "ugly". Fabulous. She then admitted that after going through all of these, she could kind of see my original point. She then asked me if I was "going gay" on her. I told her no, I was simply losing the will to live.

She then however informed me that she wasn't going to give up on me and that now she has discounted her facebook men, she will look at all of her other male friends for me. I think she is beginning to sound a bit like my "madam" after all. I told her thanks but not to bother as I have neither the energy or the inclination.

I am however going to maybe look into Sugardaddies.com....just for the hell of it.

Choo Choo

I'm going on a train on Tuesday to see my best friend and her daughter. I'm very excited..except I hate journeys of ANY type due to my increasingly crappy travel sickness.

This isn't the only problem though. I tend to make a complete dick of myself on trains. I get trapped in toilets, throw my knickers around the carriage (by accident and they were in my bag, not on me) and fall onto poor unsuspecting elderly people as I walk up and down the aisle. In a way I'm looking forward to seeing what happens on this journey. In another way I'm um...not and hope it all goes well.. without me making an idiot of myself in public.

If not at least its something to tell my friends to make them laugh at me even more. Fucking ace.

Crappy Karma

I think, sad to say, that I will be soon giving up on the male species. yes, yes...a woman saying she is giving up, all very usual, but.....I think that I am going to have to as my Karma seems to be shot to hell.

I will soon be compiling a list in the style of Earl to try and rectify my man luck. However, this in itself could be tricky as I have trouble remembering what I did last week, let alone last year...

Weirdly however...I have a penchant for remembering random facts...such as when an octopus gets stressed it may eat one of its own tentacles or the fact that a jellybean takes about 7 days to make. Yes that's right...just one jellybean! They are damn good though.

These facts are not helpful in any way.

Ouch

I only recently learned how to successfully put liquid eye liner on without looking like some kind of demented loon. I was very pleased with this accomplishment as I don't feel I have many in life. Obviously, I count my degree as the main one, however worryingly I was probably equally as chuffed with myself when I learnt how to make perfect rollies in my first year. That in itself I accept is very lame.

Sadly I think this eye liner accomplishment was short lived as I can now longer put it on well. I did poke myself in the eye twice the other week when doing it, which hurt like a bitch and gave me a painted eyeball.

I therefore think that all this eye poking has taken away my special abilities, much like a superhero. Damn it.

A Concern..

Thinking about it, which I know really I shouldn't do given the depressing qualities that it holds, I worry that I am forever going to be the wrong person in so many aspects or that in reality I am indeed good enough, but the fact I am in the wrong place at the wrong time - is something I find incredibly distressing.

Whether it be to do with relationships or jobs, I get the distinct feeling that even at only 25 years of age sadly I'm buggered. Those who know me know that I tend to over analyse EVERYTHING due to a rather overactive brain and this side of me tends to frustrate the hell out of them.

Therefore I hope this is not the case and my fear is not justified...along with the clowns coming into my room at night and eating me. Eeek.

The Loss Of A Limb

There is an elderly woman in town who insists on running me over in her mobility scooter. She either has it in for me and I have wronged her in some way that I am unaware of or she cannot see me. I doubt that this is the case as a) I am hard to miss and b) If she cant see she shouldnt be behind the wheel.

She has run me over THREE times now...and once she took off my shoe. I am worried that next time it will be a limb.

Hope For Me Yet

I stole this from my Myspace blog....just because I still find it so damn funny...

Ok...so while lazily browsing the web I came across an article that made me chuckle....but also astonished me in its subject.

Not only are these book real.....but some have even won awards.....albeit a certain category...not exactly the Pulitzer prize! I suppose it gives me hope for my writing....hmmm.....If these books are selling...let alone actually being published... than there is something very wrong with the world today. But hey, I guess we knew that anyway.

These are just some of the books on the market today....

a) "The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America. A Guide to Field Identification". Pretty self explanitory this one - a guide to the different types of abandoned shopping trolleys.....This won the Diagram Prize for the oddest book title of the year.

b) "Weeds in a Changing World"....Because weeds count too! Weeds clearly need to keep up with the changing times...but technically as a definition of a weed is only "a plant out of place"...this book could contain a lot of information.

c) "How To Shit in the Woods. An Enviromentally Sound Approach to a Lost Art". Who new that was a lost art....they should have talked about that more at school....maybe in Geography instead of Glaciers and Erosion.

d) "People Who Don't Know They're Dead: How They Attach Themselves To Unsuspecting Bystanders and What To Do About it"....that could be unfortunate.....and embarrassing.

e) "Proceedings of the Second International Workshop on Nude Mice." The poor mice.....did they know they were nude?? Are all mice nude, or only when shaved...hmm....