Turn To Crap...

Why is it that when one part of your life starts to go right, inevitably another part starts to go wrong. Am I only allowed a certain amount of good?!

If this is so, I want to speak to someone and demand either an explanation or a refund!

A Good Rule Of Thumb....

Gozer: [after Ray orders her to re-locate] Are you a God?
[Ray looks at Peter, who nods]
Dr Ray Stantz: No.
Gozer: Then... DIE!
[Lightning flies from her fingers, driving the Ghostbusters to the edge of the roof and almost off; people below scream]
Winston Zeddemore: Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say "YES"!

The Trying Rainbow

Things are looking up. I no longer have a rain cloud over my head but currently a little rainbow. Admitadely it's not shining very brightly, but it's there and can only get stronger. This makes a delightful change :)

Leave Me Alone... You Smell of Pee....

It would appear that I attract "crazies" to me whenever I leave the house. If it's not some random mental health patient shouting "HELLO" at me, it's some other clearly "special" man sitting next to me on a bench and showing me his umbrella ( it was pretty standard to be honest), asking me if I wish to try out said umbrella (it wasnt raining and I dont like touching other people's stuff)... and him reeking of his own urine..... Granted it might not be his fault... but still.... go before you leave the house.

I hope it's not a case of "water always finding its level........" :(

Sexy Bugs

First I get chased around the kitchen by two bumming dragonflies (they looked like they were having a wonderful time) then as soon as ive ushered them out, the mighty, ten story high, two buses long hornet comes in.. and basically this guy hates me... he ALWAYS chases me and im sure he actually whispers (well buzz's).... "Becca"......"Becca".... "I'm going to KILL you". Something along those lines anyway, my hornet talk is a bit rusty.

Do I Have To? :(

So, while i'm in this seemingly never ending slump of unemployment I have decided that I really should do some sort of volunteer work. Hopefully it will keep my brain from turning to mush and will look good on my CV.

However, the thought of working for no money when i'm such a pauper grates on me rather a lot, so i've decided to try and volunteer in the sector i'm at at least interested in, i.e. writing. Hopefully if I can get some proofreading or copy writing work I will be super chuffed and not mind as much that i'm doing it for free.

If I get turned down for volunteer work i'm going to be super narked. Fact.

Don't Have A Cow.

Having just eaten a steak for the very first time, it is most definately apparant that I will never eat one again. It was just too much like biting into the back of a cow and I happen to like cows. I am definately all about the white meat...... make of that what you will.... ;)

Pop Goes My Heart

This song and video from the movie " Music and Lyrics" makes me laugh .... in my opinion this could be released and people out there would a) think it's serious and b) buy it.

I say they should do it..... People listen to all sorts of crap. FACT!

And I have definately heard worse! I think the Thompson Twins or Nik Kershaw could make their MUCH anticipated comeback with this tune... *chortle*.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TReQQiMKOo

It Would Appear That......

I am my own worst enemy. This is all I choose to divulge.

A Bit Of The Gadd?

I'm looking forward to going ot Bath on Sunday and will hopefully have a wander around and see some potential flats. Apparantly though the one that I REALLY want is the the Bath "ghetto"...so should maybe avoid that. Shame though..... its very purdy.

If I do go for it however, I could start up my own gang in order to be like all the "cool kids". And who wouldnt want to be in my gang? (Not said in the style or with the same intention as Gary Glitter).

I should probably get the actual job first, before I start picking out the soft furnishings and planning my housewarming :) There wil be vodka though.. I can tell you that.

Stress Head

I have a job interview on Monday. I'm really pleased about this as I havent had an interview for ages. Usually I just get a straight out rejection. However I am worried. Im literally pinning all my hopes on getting this job, which I am more than aware I shouldnt do, but after constantant rejection, I either give up hope completely and resign myself to a life of nothingness, or I think about the future and the new opportunities which this job will bring me.

I miss Bath and can't wait to go back... although I think it will feel mighty strange at first. It will also feel strange being indepedant again.

Although all I can think about at the moment, is feeling well and actually getting to Bath. It's times like this I really wish I drove. That and I was already living back in Bath and working, as I wouldnt have to go through this ;)

"Lollypop" Syndrome... (I Do Not Have....)

So... 8 days into me not being a big fat porker and Ive lost 5 pounds, which im pleased with. However.. Im still a big fat porker and NEED FOOD!!!

I think i'll be ok though.... that stick of celery I just ate filled me RIGHT up... In fact, I couldnt be more full if I tried. ;)

On a seperate note, I saw that woman on the mobility scooter (the one that always runs me over) in town today and she didnt hit me this time. I think its because Ive become really thin and waif like and she just couldnt spot me. Woohoo!

Sodding Diet...

It would appear that I lack a passion for fashion, but at this rate I'll have the urge to purge..... :(

Ball Care 101

I'm attempting to master the exercise ball. It's harder than it looks and I keep rolling off.

I swear it's going to burst under me and I'm going to get severe rubber burns over 90% of my body.

That wont be cool.

Hungry..... :(

Yesterday I started my new healthy eating regime and already, on day two, I want to eat my own body weight in chocolate. Ive even started looking at items and turning them into food in my head like in cartoons where everything turns into a chicken. Im at this stage already... which doesnt bode well for day three let alone a week or a bloody month!!!! Hell... hand me a block of lard and i'll stuff that in my mouth... Im not "precious"

If I eat one more carrot stick I think I might die. Literally.

Ok realistically probably not, but why is it as soon as you know you cant pork out, you want to.. even if that was never the intention.

This thin malarky better be worth it....... Im looking forward to being one of those miserable thin women instead of a miserable fat woman. :)

I Heart Dolf

I find it hilarious that recently Dolf Lundgren had his house burgled. Now before you think that I am an utter bitch... let me explain. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin........

Burglars broke into Mr and Mrs Lungren's house. Dolfy was away at the time, so unfortunately his wife was tied up and started giving the mean intruders her jewellery...however... upon ransacking the homestead they saw family photographs.. namely of bad ass Dolf himself whereupon (I assume they had a total shit attack) they QUICKLY left.... that.. my dears was the part I happened to find hilarious.

The burglars realised that the house they were in belonged to someone who could seriously do them damage ie a black belt in karate and the rest.... and they ran away.

When I move out I have decided to put pictures of Dolf around my flat. That and wear a tshirt to bed that says "I'm a Lundgren Lover" or "Dolf is my Husband"... I havent decided yet.

Anti Climax

I really should be more patient. The problem is that there are a lot of things I want, and I just happen to want them all NOW. Mum and dad always did say I was like a terrier. It goes hand in hand with me always wanting things I can't have. WHY IS THAT??!

One day I will have at least one of these things and I'll be happy.. or disappointed as it will be an immense anti climax. Like the time I got my ears pierced or the first cigarette I ever smoked or when I first shaved my legs (boy was that painful). I hope not though.

I might just bring the tantrum back if that is the case.... foot stomping and all!

For The Love Of All Things Compassionate... HIRE ME!

Today I was turned down for yet another job. This one was part time and quite frankly I could have done it in my sleep. They even got £500 from the Job Centre if they hired me but clearly this still wasn't incentive enough for them.

Therefore it has come to my attention that I cannot even pay people to hire me :(

That can't be a good sign........

Squeal Piggy, Squeal.

Last night I was watching the local news and on it was a school where a girl had contracted piggy flu. They shut the school and filmed students leaving. A lot of them were crying.

In my day we would have been really chuffed to have left school in the middle of the day and then been on the local news, pandemic or no pandemic!! What is wrong with kids these days?

Im disapointed. Realistically they'll probably just get he sniffles...at most they'll die. It's still brill when school shuts! :)

A Conversation Many Moons Ago....

Homeless Man : Hello darlin' you're gorgeous.

Me: Er, thanks.

Homeless Man: You wana go for a coffee with me?

Me: Er, I assume I would be paying?

Homeless Man: Oh forget it then.

Me: Er, ok.

I suppose I felt a tad guilty mocking the fella, but to be honest he wasnt being very realistic was he. Plus, any pennies he had, I wouldnt expect him to waste on me, given the fact that I blatently wouldnt have "put out". ;)

My Love Of Florence

While nursing a hangover today I was watching tv and came across one of these holiday programs where usually rich and ungrateful slobs swap places. This eposide the ungrateful slobs got to spend a week in Florence. I HATED them. I would literally kill to go to Florence and all they were doing was moaning about going and seeing "that David statue" and the fact that they couldnt find any chips anywhere.

In my delicate state I literally wept a little. I want to go to Florence ;(

Piss Off

Apparantly they are planning to make a Jade Goody musical..... now as much as Im sad for what happend to her, as I am with anyone who has a serious illness..... COME ON you have to be kidding me?!. And i'm not too sure who "they" are.. but whoever.. well THEY need their heads examined.

I would rather rip off my own arm and beat myself about the head with it than see this crap being made.

I wonder if i'll be given that option....Honestly, a Jade Goody musical... what a pile of wank.

By the way, that was my angry voice.

Erm....

It has come to my attention that some people SO need to be voted off the Island....

Nuff said.

Real Gone Kid

Today I rediscovered my love for Deacon Blue. I am incredible happy as I have just purchased their "Greatest Hits" for £0.01p on Amazon.

Simple things make me happy lately.. that's what happens when you are single AND unemployed!

What fool would put it on for a penny??? Their fees will be more than that.

What a goon.

My gain however .. mwah ha ha.

Gum

My wisdom tooth is making attempts to come up again... rather painful attempts I might add.... I used to put lots of bongella on... but its not hardcore enough for me now.. so I use something that completely numbs it and makes me feel like Ive been victim to some sort of mouth based stroke.

Its lame.. it should either come up... or not... not make apathetic attempts to emerge when it can be bothered...... :(

I do LOVE the taste of Bongella though.. Meryl and I think they should make some sort of vodka/bongella based alcohol shot... that would be a dream come true ;)

Mr. Shakespeare..

I'm having really odd dreams lately... more so than usual. Not to mention some really disturbing ones.. including Robert Kilroy Silk popping up out of nowhere and cupping my butt. That is something that I would like to wipe from my brain!

The other night however, I was dreaming and in my dream was a poem. I recognised it, but in my dream.. I knew all of it. I was quite impressed with myself. I googled the 3 lines that I could remember and turns out that is a Sonnet by Shakeaspeare... not bad eh?! Shame I didnt just randomly know all of it in my dream though without hearing it first.. I guess that would have made me some sort of literary genius .. *sigh*.. maybe one day!

Shall I compare thee to a summers day
Thou art more lovely and more temperate
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of may .......

I suggest you look it up as it is really rather beautiful......

Pod People...

I have recently made the observation that in a group of friends there is usually the "stunning" one... one that looks like she spends hours making herself beautiful.. usually however they are just born that gorgeous. They also tend to have amazingly glossy hair, like they have been washing it in in some sort of shampoo delivered straight from God ( I shall avoid the term Jesus juice for obvious reasons ;) ) However, I have noticed that in some groups (or" gaggles" as I like to call them) all of the girls are this stunning... its like they were artificially grown in pods, seperated at birth, then brought back together during adolencence for some sort of greater purpose.

I have also noticed that these groups of girls scare the shit out of me. I tend to avoid them at all costs... They need to go back to their pods so us "normal" girls can live in a society without perfection and prejudice getting in our way *chortle*....

No, No, NO!

Apparantly they are making a new version of The Bodyguard... with Rhianna. Personally I would rather have both legs cut off, sown on again backwards and made to run A LOT, than see this movie classic be ruined.

The though of this remake makes me want to weep... then punch Rhianna.

I'm hoping it wont come to that. :)

The Haste Of Becca....

So I admit, maybe it was slightly hasty of me to swear off men all together. I'm not saying I was wrong, because I still firmly believe that there are no eligible men out there.... however... a certain someone is growing on me... and not in contagious rash sense... but most definately in a good way.

I dont hold out much hope though.. I am too much of a cynical madam...... or maybe just a realist.

For The Attention Of Nik....

I have three more posts to go until I have done a month of my Blog. I work well when bribery is involved.... others feel free to remember this. You never know what you might get. Or me for that matter!!

This counts as one blog of course..... so TWO LEFT! Yes that's right uncle dearest.... TAKE NOTE! ;)

Fluffy Bunny...

Im looking forward to Easter.... not as much as I look forward to Christmas of course because Christmas time just happens to make me doolally with excitement... but Easter... a whole holiday devoted entirely to the consumption of over priced, over shaped chocolate. Who wouldnt love that?!

Ok.. so maybe to some Easter means more... ie Christians.. but meh... I'm in it for the chocolate. Ok.. and the little fluffy bunnies and chicks... etc....etc...... :)

Tea Bagging?

Whilst in town earlier I noticed that someone had been throwing teabags around. Im not sure why and am now wondering whether this is an activity that all the "cool" kids are doing. They were used.. not dry.. I'm guessing they have more trajectory on them that way.

I suppose it gives a new meaning to the phrase" tea bagging".... ew. What a thought. In fact no.. I'm not going to think about it.

Oh wait.. I just did. And again.. and once more damn it! Pesky kids.

Big Earrings?

Recently some random man on facebook messaged me and told me simply that he loves my hair. Now... I'm all for compliments....even though I have a habit of not accepting them graciously and being extremly cynical, but even to me this is slightly odd.

I appreciate the compliment in a strange "Im worried you are going to hunt me down, cut off my hair and wear it yourself" kind of way.

That's why kiddies, you should never give out personal information such as ADDRESSES on the internet.

Phew.

Plus, I dont want to be one of those bald women who are all about the earrings. :(

Act Fast

I have just been watching "In The Night Garden" with my niece. It scares me a little/ a lot... Iggle Piggle looks like he has had some sort of stroke.

This can't be good for children surely?!

Then again... one of my earliest memories was being held down by my brothers and made to watch Hellraiser..... and that clearly hasnt done me any harm! :s

I Expect More..

It has become apparant of late that certain people in my life do things that they explicitly say they wont do. Turns out that they clearly have no backbone/balls/regard for others, etc, etc.

I guess that these people probably shouldnt be in my life, given the fact that all they do it make me sad.... and angry. But mostly sad.

Its true, with friends like these, who needs enemies.

Attack Of The 60ft Pervert..

Ive just noticed that my first post of a brand new month was about a pervert. Oh typical. It should really have been about having a spring in my step, fluffy bunnies and fields of daffodils...meh.

However although cynical, I am hoping for a better month.... one that is filled with sunshine and fluffy bunnies. And if im honest probably perverts. :)

Doing A....

I'm so sick of hearing in the paper about the "new" Fritzl. Surely these perverts are not the new anyone.... Fritzl certainly didnt invent being an incredibly sick bastard.

I'm waiting for the moment that the papers refer to a pervert as "doing a Fritzl." they will also coin the phrase "doing a Goody"... just you wait...!

Fun To Be Young

I recently asked a child that I was babysitting what he would like me to buy him when I become a millionaire ( I cant quite remember how I got onto this subject... but obviously it's a when rather than a how) and he replied that he would like an imaginary apple and the moon. I told him that I could buy him a real apple or an apple made out of gold, but he was adamant that it had to be an imaginary one.

Im not too sure what this consists of, but im guessing its going to be easy, and cheap. Unlike the moon......

Er..... Come To Think Of It....

I should probably get off my soapbox ;)

The Truth Of The Matter Is....

In this “celebrity" driven day and age it is vital that people use their status for the help and publicity of diseases such as cancer. What I do have problems with however is the way that cancer is portrayed within the media with such a strong celebrity stance almost as if these celebrities were the ones that “invented” it. In 2005 the singer Kylie Minogue was diagnosed with having breast cancer. At first I felt that the media enlightened the public on the seriousness of this disease, which I’m sure in turn encouraged many women to check themselves more thoroughly and in the correct manner. However as the weeks went on there wasn’t a time where Kylie and cancer were not mentioned in the same breath. Yes, it is terrible that she was ill and yes just because she is a celebrity doesn’t mean that she isn’t a normal person too - but she wasn’t the only person in the world to have cancer. In my opinion surely Kylie was in the best possible position if you are unwell. After all she had the very best private treatment in both Australia and Paris, she was able to take time off from working to convalesce, time she happened to spend writing a book which was published (surely another perk of being a celebrity.) In no way am I belittlingKylie’s battle with cancer, I have in fact met her and she seemed a very genuine and down to earth woman. However, she has an advantages over us “mere mortals” and so surely we should be looking to the “average Joe” to inspire us. You know, the ones like us that probably have no access to private healthcare, who are unable to enjoy the sunny climate of Australia while we recover from chemotherapy and who don’t have millions of pounds to fall back on. Obviously no amount of money can keep you from illness, but it sure would help! I would take rich with cancer over poor with cancer any day. Don’t get me wrong, just because she had all of that money didn’t mean she would survive, but I bet she had a better chance than most. It is a fact that women with breast cancer who live in affluent areas have a better chance of survival than those women living in deprived areas. I cannot stand the way in which the media talk about Kylie is as if she was the first woman to ever get this disease, and I truly believe that it demeans every other woman’s brave fight. In an article in the Daily Mirror on 18 April 2008 they covered a story about another celebrity, Trisha Goddard, who had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. In it Trisha said that Kylie Minogue’s successful battle with breast cancer was an inspiration and – I quote - “thank God for Kylie. Id read so much about her and it was really, well hang on girl, she’s alright” Surely Trisha should be using every woman’s situation as an inspiration, and not just another celebrities? I think that it is all well and good admiring another famous persons fight, however it would personally be more of an inspiration to me to hear about a non- celeb’s experience. We all of us aspire to be something we are not, and reach for that seemingly unattainable goal and in such situations as breast cancer role models such as Kylie do serve a purpose. However I think that it is imperative that “celebrity” doesn’t become the norm. There are many magazines on the market who are in the position to influence and shape young girl s and women on things such as their weight and the way they dress, even up to how to get and keep a man. These magazines are in the perfectposition to show their readers real lives of real women and yet they chooseto instead focus on women such as Paris Hilton drunkenly falling out of aclub wearing no knickers or talk of Eva Longoria being pregnant because she is looking slightly more rounded than usual. The magazines should be championing every day, normal, non-celebs especially where issues suchas cancer are apparent. Yes Kylie Minogue is a person like you or I, but if we’re honest, a million miles away from us. More recently Jade Goody's fight with cervical cancer and tragic death have been publicised every single day with some magazines and newspapersgoing as far as to having special mermorial pull out sections covering her life. It was also claimed that Stephen Fry likended her to Princess Diana and Heat magazine likened her life and death to that of Marilyn Monroe. Am I the only person to think that this is absolutely crazy?? For one it is very hypocritical given that when she wasnt ill these publications jumped on the bandwagon and damned her whenever they got the chance to, but now they are likening her to the legend that is Monroe and to some extent Princess Diana who, even though in my opinion wasnt that amazing, admitadly did more than most of the Royal family put together. Yes it is a tragic loss, one I would not wish upon anyone, but there are millions of people suffering with cancer in the world and I would rather have someone real champion the cause rather than a "celebrities", who truth be told live in a totally different world than us.

And It Was All A Dream...

So, I had set myself the goal of completing my book by the time I was 25. Needless to say, I havent done it. I cant even offer up a good excuse really....even though I probably am an expert of procrastination. This goes to prove my theory that the only time you will fail at something is when you set yourself the goal to actually do it. Much like my theory that you only get sports injury's when playing sport. Therefore don't do that either.

The book will get finished and I will get published (pah, yeah sure) but to be honest I think I might hire someone else to write it, you know a better writer!! Someone who can at least come up with the ending for the bastard thing.

When I was younger I always used to end my stories, "and they woke up and found that it had all been a dream". I'm not sure that will cut it this time. However it worked for 'Dallas', so maybe me.

Accept, Accept, Accept.

I am really trying to make a conscious effort to accept the things that I cannont change, be it about myself or the way others have treated me.

Apparantly forgiveness is the key and the way some people have acted towards me lately or in the past has probably effected me more than I like to think. I care what people think of me... even people I dont know... their opinion counts...and it shouldnt. Unless it's nice of course! ;)

I realise that I might just be in the wrong place at the wrong time and that certain situations are out of my control. And to not take it personally or let it get to me.

If anyone learns how to forgive and forget, can they please let me now how they do it, because I'm not sure I will be very good at it... despite the effort! :)

That goes with the acceptance too....... I'm guessing that will also be a work in progress!

Airbrush Me

After much consideration I have decided that I wish to live my life either in Paint Shop or Face In Hole ( is it just me or does that title sound rude. I wont even tell you what I found when I mis-typed the site name ew...).

Everything in these sites make you look all shiny and new and everyone loves a bit of make believe.

The perfect preening. For once I look good. Even if I am on someone else's body.

However, I do find it a tad disconcerting that the best I look is when I'm a Nun. It's fate *sigh*....

Talk About A Fool....

I honestly cannot believe that I fell for someone's utter crap yet again. I swear I am clearly the most gullible fool out there. Either that or Im just so sad that I deliberately believe whatever people tell me in the hope that I can make it come true You'd think after 25 years I would have learned at least something, but no.

Nundom is getting awfully close.

Tis Blindness I Tell Thee, BLINDNESS!

While in town today I saw a headline on the local newspaper "Car Crash Monk Had Cataracts" Firstly, this isn't a headline that you see every day and I salute it purely because it contains the word Monk. Secondly I like the fact that the Monk...a man of the cloth.... has been a naughty boy. Bad Monk. Unless he didn't know of course...but that ruins my story. So we shall pretend he knew he had dodgy eyes and that he wanted to be a bad driver. In fact..I even like to think of him, behind the steering wheel, laughing manically..while wearing stereotypical Monk robes and maybe even salivating a little... Anyway.. I digress.

I'm guessing he might have to go back to Monk college (which id imagine is a lot like clown college, literally) and retrain as a Monk extraordinaire.

That's if he's not dead. I didnt read the article and if that is the case, this blog has therefore once again cemented my position in Hell. Meh. I guess it will be you and I and the Monk with cataracts. Now that's a party in itself.

Becca = Epic Failure

So it turns out that try as I might, I cannot get a job. I think the term is "an undesirable"..... even with a degree and moderate intelligence I am good for nothing. To be honest, at first it didn't bother me too much because I lived in constant hope but now, as the months of rejection tick by, the hope has faded and now I am slowly losing my grip on my sanity and my temper. I appear to be angry with everything and everyone because of this constant rejection. Someone may as well slap me in the face.... continually.

I'm tired of trawling the internet day after friggin' day.. looking at the same old sites until my eyes hurt and my head is pounding. I feel like just getting on a random train to anywhere and starting all over again. There is nothing like new rejection in a new town to make you feel alive :(

Tis tres gay.

Cynical? Me?

I am all for charity...be it charity for other people...or charity for me, which I have to admit never happens as Ive never collected for it ;) , however there is something about Red Nose day which I cannot help being cynical about.

As good publicity as it is to draw attention to the worlds plight by using "celebrities" I cant help but feel they are making a token gesture. Like they are taking a day out of their wealthy, well turned out lives to help the people less fortunate. Then the next day they can go about their fabulous lives. I guess this pretty much applies to all of us, but it all feels too fake for my liking. The fact that they could probably each give a million pounds to a charity and not have it affect their bank balance lies heavy with me.

Maybe I am just too cynical.

Magic 8 Hate

I have magic 8 ball and I like to think that it in some way helps me...or at least provides a bit of amusement. However, it rarely tells me the right answer i.e. the one that I want...so I have therefore come to the rational conclusion that it is either a) lying or b) broken.

According to my brother Joel I am also not allowed to ask it the same question more than once in a day.... I think that this is silly as I believe in the "best of three" reasoning. Am I alone in this?!

I hope that I am not going to develop some kind of OCD where the magic 8 ball is concerned and not leave the house when it gives a lame answer. I luckily don't think this will be the case. I also dont think it will be the case when it predicts my spring wedding and the large lottery win. PAH.

Have You Gone Gay?

My sister-in-law is trying to "pimp" me out after I told her that I was off men because there are no eligible ones out there (I am literally one more bad experience away from becoming a Nun). She is determined to prove me wrong, even if this means trawling through her facebook to find at least one.

Out of her 147 friends, she found 2 guys.... both of which she described to me as "ugly". Fabulous. She then admitted that after going through all of these, she could kind of see my original point. She then asked me if I was "going gay" on her. I told her no, I was simply losing the will to live.

She then however informed me that she wasn't going to give up on me and that now she has discounted her facebook men, she will look at all of her other male friends for me. I think she is beginning to sound a bit like my "madam" after all. I told her thanks but not to bother as I have neither the energy or the inclination.

I am however going to maybe look into Sugardaddies.com....just for the hell of it.

Choo Choo

I'm going on a train on Tuesday to see my best friend and her daughter. I'm very excited..except I hate journeys of ANY type due to my increasingly crappy travel sickness.

This isn't the only problem though. I tend to make a complete dick of myself on trains. I get trapped in toilets, throw my knickers around the carriage (by accident and they were in my bag, not on me) and fall onto poor unsuspecting elderly people as I walk up and down the aisle. In a way I'm looking forward to seeing what happens on this journey. In another way I'm um...not and hope it all goes well.. without me making an idiot of myself in public.

If not at least its something to tell my friends to make them laugh at me even more. Fucking ace.

Crappy Karma

I think, sad to say, that I will be soon giving up on the male species. yes, yes...a woman saying she is giving up, all very usual, but.....I think that I am going to have to as my Karma seems to be shot to hell.

I will soon be compiling a list in the style of Earl to try and rectify my man luck. However, this in itself could be tricky as I have trouble remembering what I did last week, let alone last year...

Weirdly however...I have a penchant for remembering random facts...such as when an octopus gets stressed it may eat one of its own tentacles or the fact that a jellybean takes about 7 days to make. Yes that's right...just one jellybean! They are damn good though.

These facts are not helpful in any way.

Ouch

I only recently learned how to successfully put liquid eye liner on without looking like some kind of demented loon. I was very pleased with this accomplishment as I don't feel I have many in life. Obviously, I count my degree as the main one, however worryingly I was probably equally as chuffed with myself when I learnt how to make perfect rollies in my first year. That in itself I accept is very lame.

Sadly I think this eye liner accomplishment was short lived as I can now longer put it on well. I did poke myself in the eye twice the other week when doing it, which hurt like a bitch and gave me a painted eyeball.

I therefore think that all this eye poking has taken away my special abilities, much like a superhero. Damn it.

A Concern..

Thinking about it, which I know really I shouldn't do given the depressing qualities that it holds, I worry that I am forever going to be the wrong person in so many aspects or that in reality I am indeed good enough, but the fact I am in the wrong place at the wrong time - is something I find incredibly distressing.

Whether it be to do with relationships or jobs, I get the distinct feeling that even at only 25 years of age sadly I'm buggered. Those who know me know that I tend to over analyse EVERYTHING due to a rather overactive brain and this side of me tends to frustrate the hell out of them.

Therefore I hope this is not the case and my fear is not justified...along with the clowns coming into my room at night and eating me. Eeek.

The Loss Of A Limb

There is an elderly woman in town who insists on running me over in her mobility scooter. She either has it in for me and I have wronged her in some way that I am unaware of or she cannot see me. I doubt that this is the case as a) I am hard to miss and b) If she cant see she shouldnt be behind the wheel.

She has run me over THREE times now...and once she took off my shoe. I am worried that next time it will be a limb.

Hope For Me Yet

I stole this from my Myspace blog....just because I still find it so damn funny...

Ok...so while lazily browsing the web I came across an article that made me chuckle....but also astonished me in its subject.

Not only are these book real.....but some have even won awards.....albeit a certain category...not exactly the Pulitzer prize! I suppose it gives me hope for my writing....hmmm.....If these books are selling...let alone actually being published... than there is something very wrong with the world today. But hey, I guess we knew that anyway.

These are just some of the books on the market today....

a) "The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America. A Guide to Field Identification". Pretty self explanitory this one - a guide to the different types of abandoned shopping trolleys.....This won the Diagram Prize for the oddest book title of the year.

b) "Weeds in a Changing World"....Because weeds count too! Weeds clearly need to keep up with the changing times...but technically as a definition of a weed is only "a plant out of place"...this book could contain a lot of information.

c) "How To Shit in the Woods. An Enviromentally Sound Approach to a Lost Art". Who new that was a lost art....they should have talked about that more at school....maybe in Geography instead of Glaciers and Erosion.

d) "People Who Don't Know They're Dead: How They Attach Themselves To Unsuspecting Bystanders and What To Do About it"....that could be unfortunate.....and embarrassing.

e) "Proceedings of the Second International Workshop on Nude Mice." The poor mice.....did they know they were nude?? Are all mice nude, or only when shaved...hmm....

A Slippery Slope

Apparantly the first step to overcoming an addiction is to admit that you have one...well I admit it..I am completely addicted to Facebook. It's got to the point now where I struggle to remember how I spent my time pre-Facebook. Ok, so before that it was Myspace but yeah you get the picture!

When I think about it I'm not even really sure what I do on there. My dad often walks past and in a withering voice says "Becca, what is it you actually do on there?" I sit and think for a minute and generally the only response I can come up with is "not much, just looking". He says I'm a very strange girl. So I attempt to explain to him that it isnt just me, but millions of other people who waste their time on there too, but he just laughs and says they're strange too. He has a point. I'm not sure virtually poking someone, joining faux groups purely based on their amusing names or looking at friends photographs to see how much of a better weekend than you they had constitutes a productive use of time....usually an hour or four in my case. Even when unwell, with a raging temperature and a head that feels like its going to explode all over the keyboard, im still on sodding Facebook.

Its clearly replaced checking my mobile every 2 minutes to see if I've received a new message. I never have. Or at least when I do...its 02 telling me how I can get 10% back on my top ups. Well...whoopie fucking do. I hate those bastards at 02.

As it happens im starting to worry for my sanity. Facebook surely cannot go on forever and then what will I do? It migh even at some point be replaced by something even better. I cant imagine what...it will be like the Big Bang 2.

Im sad and clearly need some sort of medical intervention.